Trust is a strong component for...

Trust is one strong component for..                                                            .. healthy-functioning relationships. You might agree with that, but do you also know HOW to create (more) trust in your world or in yourself, especially when you don't think that trust is highly present in your life.
It could be that as a child you overheard your parents saying to someone else, "I don't trust that kid at all!" "You can never trust them!" Or you may have heard some similar expression.
Your subconscious collects all data in your life and determines much of your motivation and behavior. Usually, the negative statements you heard about yourself became part of your identity, and ironically, you most likely are proving its truth in your life. It is a terrible feeling when people don’t trust you for no apparent reason, or when you feel untrustworthy or distrustful.

Our daily conscious thoughts influence our well being and the way we deal with our lives. If we want to intentionally create more trust in our lives, the first step is to question and identify the fear behind the thoughts we tend to have....”Why do I think that, and who says that it is true?”

Maybe your world view is pessimistically colored, and you consider your views as realistic...without realizing that 'realistic' is a personal, subjective description that is perceived differently by everyone…You may worry that the world is fraught with danger. The world has always been dangerous, we just know more about things outside our immediate environments because of technology.

A very simple remedy to get out of this ‘state of fear-thinking’ (the opposite of TRUST)- is to control your self-talk.
Vague sentences like: "You cannot trust anybody in today’s world" or:
"I told you! Never trust anyone!" must be eliminated immediately. One or more disappointing experiences can not predict more of the same by themselves. However with negative thinking they can easily become ‘self-fulfilling prophecies”

Simply said: If you focus on trust with your whole being, you can create so much positive energy that a shift is inevitable. For good things to occur in your life, you need to feel as good as possible.

Trust is one of these pillars to thrive on.
Do you want to meet people you can trust? Ask for it. Radiate trust. What you send out, you'll get back. Your clear positive intentions will manifest another reality. Try it for a while and see what happens

The result of trusting in "all is well" thoughts, gives you the opportunity to escape from where you are at this moment, even though it seems to be the opposite of what you’re experiencing now. Science shows that fearful people are more likely to be robbed than fearless ones.
This supports the thesis that taking responsibility for our thoughts consciously is bringing us closer to where we want to be!

Trust connects you to the right place. To say affirmations especially when you decide to worry, feel pressed by negative  feelings; say affirmation over and over again until your mood changes..!

"I only meet trust worthy people"

"I trust that whatever feels good is good".

"I am safe.”

“Everything is working out for my highest good”

"Happy Children, Happy Home" tm Enjoy the ride of parenting!

Be the parent you are aspired to be!

* How to deliberately create what you want

* The 7 Daily Essentials(c) for a Happy Family

* Powerful communication tools (NVC)

* Release negative patterns

* Resolve conflicts peacefully

* Be free from past experiences that no longer serve you

* Alternatives for ‘Punishments & Rewards’

* Develop mutual respect, compassion and cooperation

* Sessions provide role-play~ opportunities to discuss: overindulging~ over-scheduling ~ understanding your child’s temperament ~ respect ~ frustration ~  chores and more.

New visions on Family & Life: a blend of East & West


Inspired by: Jerry Jampolsky, Bert Hellinger, Alfie Kohn, ’Abraham’ Hicks, Marshall Rosenberg, Byron Katie, Wendy Mogel, Alice Miller, Raul Ruiz, A Course In Miracles, The Ba’al Shem Tov, the Kabbalah

For info please visit:

www.carlavanwalsum.com

"Happy Children, Happy Home"tm parenting classes connecting East & West

The desire to control children is fear based. Fear stems never from love. We can never really control somenone else,as much force, punishment or reward we choose to use..If education is intrinsically oriented, when issues are taken as moments of learning opportunities, punishment and reward become primitive tools, who create merely frustration, anger or fear for 'what if'..Observation without judgment, criticism and interpretation gives so much respect to the other person...most of the time behavior is not badly intended, and if it is so, than the cause calls for clarity and not for simple punishment. What do we want? A happy world with real relationships, or superficial behavior, alianated from real connecting with each other. Why intimate relationships are often at stake or hard to maintain on a high fulfilling level, much of the causes are to be found in the conditional-loving approaches as the use of the punishment reward system creates. Most of us don't remember the reason for a cetain punshment in childhood, but only the feelings related to the punishment. Consequences, not punishment wrapped in another coat, but based on honoring the needs and values of the other(s) involved, will result in understanding and ethical learning of the 'delinquent'...An approach that generates respect instead of blunt anger...

The challenge of Becoming Grateful for misery...Happy Thanks Giving..

Are you wedded to your injuries? Unable to easily turn them around into a powerful gain? Today is an extra chance to connect consciously to the healing forces of gratitude, to liberate yourself and opening up to create and attract your cherished desires..Remember: it's not about condoning the causes; others' behavior,......... it's about allowing yourself to be free from the effects.. to be your brightest self

Today I won't judge anybody ....

http://www.transpersonal-counselingllc.com/

In this time of greater insecurity & upheaval there is a big opportunity for growth and expansion, for changing old belief patterns into different ones.
Many discover the loss of fake pictures of security, and dwell in the fear of it. One way to get out of this state is to embrace the unknown, to regain faith and trust in the perfection of what is possible and to step forward into the creation of the new. Envision your bright future and go for it! Get inspired, make it happen!

As life presents itself to us, it makes us humble again, which is a beautiful, powerful place to be. It also humbles us, when we ponder about our visions about what is good and bad, in order to discover that our judgments and perceptions are based on fear, and not on love. We harm others and ourselves in various ways.

Family Constellations show over and over again how much we are tied to the heritage of the past experiences of our families. Often we are not as free as we think we are.
The power of changing our thoughts in order to change our life is an amazing yet wonderful tool. It is great to make the choice for release of that what does not serve us. By telling yourself: ‘Let go!’ you take an important step. In my work with couples and families I see so much frustration and anger which is covering sadness and pain, mainly as a result of unmet needs, and violated basic needs. Needs for being seen and respected for who we really are. The one who listens to inner guidance, seems more privileged with the outcome: to survive under difficult circumstances.
Another step is to change strategies in communication. How great is it to observe each other without evaluation, judgment, analysis, comparison, blame, hurting messages in order to show how hurt or angry we are our self.

Realize that all our perceptions are really ours: they are a product of past imprinted experiences and manipulate our viewpoint of the picture. Nobody can see the whole picture, but often we think we do.
Try for one week (or longer!): ‘Today I won’t judge or criticize myself, my partner or my kids.’
Worried about losing control? No, the positive energy in thinking influences immediately your environment…see what a powerful creator you’ll become.
Now is the time for investing in our relationships, for new visions on communication and active resolution for dormant issues, so many ways are unfolding and disposed for our benefit. This awareness is a gift of the Universe, so take it and enjoy!
Let’s join in our strength, support, care and joy on our path for a more kind and loving world!

Copyright 2009 (c) All rights reserved
www.essence-coaching.net

I've never met you...When the presence of absence is felt..A Holocaust story in the perspective of Hellinger Family Constellations

Boca Family Hellinger Constellations, Relationships Resolutions, Coaching & Counseling, Emotional Healing, Effective Communication

“I ‘ve never met you….” When the absence of presence is felt..
A Holocaust history in Constellation perspective

When, because of war or other disasters, many family members are killed or perished, surviving members can often ‘feel’ their absence even though they have never met. Family Constellations show that identification can occur with one or more dead family members quite unexpectedly. We are all part of a so called ‘Family-Soul’; an intelligence that encompasses the evolution and nature of the family over the generations.
Those who belong to a particular Family Soul are the children, parents and their siblings, grandparents, great grandparents and so on, including anyone who has been excluded from this family system (i.e. rejected members who were called ’bad’, former spouses, stillborn and aborted children).When we bring them back into the system by acknowledging and honoring them, we see that Constellations are a very effective way to restore harmony in any family. Sometimes, family members who haven’t talked to each other for years suddenly call soon after a constellation.
Also, constellations can provide clarity and healing for a tremendous variety of issues in only a few minutes.

She looks at me, a bit insecurely. “I don’t know if this makes any sense to you.”
“Well, try!” I say.
Michal, a 48 year old woman, sighs deeply and begins to talk.” I have a strange feeling that all of the people in my family who died in the Holocaust have an influence on me today. I often feel depressed, and I don’t know why. My mother’s sister was killed in the Holocaust along with her 5 children. I am named after my grandmother, who perished too. The story in my family is that she was a great, wonderful person. I actually would like to look more closely into that side of my family.”

When family constellations begin, there is one client with a question, who briefly shares some information about his/her issue.We start by setting up the family of origin. The ‘client’ will choose people from the audience to represent their family members. They have no previous information about the client, and are requested to participate with ‘absolutely blank minds’ reciening information in  the so called  ‘morpho-energetic-field.’ The miracle is that doors are opened to a hidden dimension of inner images and unspoken statements. Over and over again, Constellations consistently reveal profound and lasting benefits for the participants and loved ones. Surprisingly enough, the healing processes takes place on the soul-level, yet the results are evidently shown in the related people, even when they are not present.

“Choose representatives for you, your mother, the aunt with five children, and the aunt who died in an accident, as well as your grandmother”

Michal puts the aunt with her children very close together. They all look down. When the grandmother is set up in front of her daughter, she becomes very unstable, her body convulses as if she is crying silently.
“Go to your daughter and all of your grandchildren and touch them, one by one.Michal,you do the same.” I say. They all embrace each other in silence. “Now take your granddaughter by the hand and bow to your relatives, both of you, in front of all of them, with one bow.”
The grandmother hesitates. “One deep bow. You start...” (to grandmother). Grandmother and Michal bows deeply and slowly. The room becomes very tensed.“Now Michal, look at them and tell them ‘I am one of you’.” Michal  does so. “Look at them. Now straighten up, look at them very clearly, and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal is hesitating. “Say it. Look them in their eyes and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal, deeply moved, whispers: ”I’ll continue to live.”
I ask Michal to repeat after me, “I’ll carry on in memory of you. Your death was not in vain.” Michal does n't move, looks down and shakes her head. ”Tell them, look at them: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal shakes her head, no.
I approach the aunt, “Tell her- It is enough that we are dead.”

The aunt smiles suddenly. “It is enough that we are dead.” Michal covers her face and smiles. “Now, say it again, ‘I’ll carry on...I’ll carry on in remembrance of you, it’s enough that you are dead’.
"Look at your grandmother and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal does so. I ask the grandmother: “Do you want to tell her something?”
Grandmother whispers: “No”. To Michal: “Now stand with your back leaning against your aunt and look forward.”
“Do you have children?” Michal nods, smiles. “How many do you have?” “Five...”
”Now look at your relatives, and tell them -I have five children.
Michal whispers:.. "I have also 5 children..."

The 5 children of the aunt smile. “Now turn around again, I’ll put five representatives for your children, and place them opposite you.
“Michal, tell your children “We’ll carry on with life”. Michal covers her eyes, laughing and crying at once…
”Now, go to your children”
I asked the audience if they can see how (the representatives of) the dead are changed after this, how the energy shifted. “That is a very important thing to see. The dead participate in the lives of the living, but only when they are seen and remembered. “

The audience appears very moved.. a genuine touch was felt..After a Constellation the representatives automatically immidiately release all that does not belong to them, what they temporary took on in order to make the invisible visible...

The family-soul has its wounds and secrets that work their way through to many future generations, when not healed. The chil­dren, by being so loyal, often take over what does not belong to them. “I take it instead of you” or “I leave instead of you ”. With these types of entanglements, love cannot flow, it can disturb our lives and manifest in the form of sudden illnesses or accidents, depression, physical or mental illness, persistent relationships conflicts and dysfunction. Constellation is also used with different phenomenon and organizations.


Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved


The Next Constellation Workshop: The Red Tent, Delray 9/26  10-1pm and 10/16
Client: 10 days before the Workshop: $ 60 after $ 75 Representative $ 25/35
Info: 561-860-4883 Testimonials: http://www.carlavanwalsum.com/ or http://www.transpersonal-counselingllc.com/

" Alicia" a Systemic Family Constellation

Testimonials: ww.essence-coaching.net 561-860-4883
Next session: 11/15/2009 10-1pm Boca/Delray




'Alicia'

“ I love my husband” said Alicia while looking at me, her big dark eyes showing some uncertainty. “But I cannot commit myself fully. I always feel doubt, something is missing. I love our 2 kids, I do not want a divorce either. And now I found the perfect answer, but not the solution. “That means?” I asked. ”Well, I fell in love with another man.”.
Alicia had come ‘to set up a constellation’ in order to get more insight about herself. “Ok, I have enough information” I said.
“Ask someone to represent you, your father and your mother.” “Not my husband??” “No, not yet”.
She chose a few people from the audience, moved them to a specific spot in the room, in the so called ‘morpho getic field’, and, voila! there the picture was revealed.

In this constellation the represented father was placed three yards away form Alicia’s representative, (in the middle of the field) and looks very happy and proudly at her.
‘Alicia’ (the rep) looks back. The mother, as set up by the client, is set up as if in the corner of a triangle, she turns her back to her husband and looks away from them. She peaks a little bit in the direction of ’Alicia’.
’Are your parents divorced?’ “No. But they don’t have a great relationship either”, client Alicia said.
”That is obvious.” A big gap between a couple physically, symbolically means that there is a big emotional distance as well. “Your mom would like to leave the family?” “Yes, that makes sense.”
“Follow your inner movements” I said to the 3 representatives. The father approaches Alicia, very closely, the mother moves a little more to the side. ”What’s going on?” I ask the ‘father’. “I want to go to her, I feel so proud of her” and he points toward ‘Alicia’. “Yes. What about your wife?” “I don’t have feelings for her. I see only my daughter.” “And what are you feeling?” I ask the ‘mother.’ She replies, “I don’t belong, I love my daughter, but she is not seeing me at all. I don’t care for my husband at all.”
The real Alicia, who’s observing, starts to cry.
The constellation continues and shows a typical case of ‘non-physical’ incest, that the daughter takes the place of the mother. Of course this pattern can also exist with mother/ sons. In a difficult, loveless marriage without a possibility to choose a divorce, parents can project their feelings and needs on their children. The strong symbioses changes in another pattern.

In order to free Alicia she will take the place on the floor where her representative stood and will say healing sentences that work deeply into the soul, and the so called’ family-soul’, even though her father is not really present.
She will repeat after me: “I am small, you are big”, “I am your daughter, not your wife”, “Allow me my own life and marriage.” “Thank you for being my father”, I honor you for being my father.”, “You gave me life.”, “That was enough.”, “I have my own life, and I am free to be with my own husband.” “ I let go off all feelings concerning guilt.”
When these kind of sentences are spoken, a profound feeling is in the group noticeable.. It is amazing that people can temporarily take over someone’s feelings even though they are not even present. The accuracy of the interactions and emotions expressed astounds many clients especially when they are participating in their own story. After the constellation is over, those feelings dissipate from all of the representatives immediately.
After the session a different Alicia is visible, every one is able to notice a shift. Experiences learn that this shifts work on several levels, and last. Alicia told me a few months later that things really changed for her. The need for ‘escape’ was gone...

Many, many different topics or secrets could be resolved with this energetic healing work. It shows also that we have less free will than we actually believe we do.
The family-soul has its wounds and secrets that work their way through to many future generations, when not healed. The children, by being so loyal, often take over what does not belong to them. “I take it instead of you” or “I leave instead of you ”. With these types of entanglements, love cannot flow, it can disturb our lives and manifest in the form of sudden illnesses or accidents, depression, physical or mental illness, persistent relationships conflicts and dysfunction. Constellation is also used with different phenomenon and organizations.
Einstein said it: Everything is Energy…

Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved

For more info & testimonials: ww.essence-coaching.net
Next Workshop: 11/15/2009 10-1 pm Boca/Delray